Monday, October 30, 2006

Full Frontal Assault

Full Frontal Assault
[fool] fron•tal as•sault Pronunciation Key
Audio pronunciation of "full frontal assault" [P]

1. An attempt [Usually made by a male and in a last ditch effort] to exclaim affectionate feelings for a member of the opposite sex.
2. To vainly attempt to win a member of the opposite sex over by recounting ones true feelings in light of an external force [I.e. previous boyfriend/girlfriend returning]
3. What [Narratethis] did to Ashley while he was drunk.

v. intr.

To make an effort at a relationship; launch a harmonious friendship: As he got drunk and the prospects of Ashley's ex-boyfriend returning, he attempted a full frontal assault in a vain attempt to win her over.

So I did it, I did what I failed to do when I was sober. I knew, as my mind was subtly relaxed with each $2.00 bottle of Coors-lite that I downed, that at the end of the night I would let it all out, I would exclaim everything I had to exclaim in what had been previously planned as my 'full frontal assault.'

Together my mind as well as stomach conspired against me in a fruitful attempt at subduing me from exclaiming the emotions my heart felt, though with each bottle of beer they slowly became more and more silent, luring me into a false sense of confidence by the mute critics.

Eventually, the time came and I stopped her, looked her in the eyes and began on my drunken tirade, stating,

"I'm sorry to do this drunk, I know you're never supposed to do this drunk and I wanted to do it sober, but ...."

Taking a deep breath, I continued,

"Ashley, I just want you to know that whatever happens between you and [Ex-boyfriend of four years who is thinking of coming back] I am here for you, whatever happens I am here."

Seeing her state, "I know" in a calculated way that neither confirmed nor denied any emotions she had for me, I continued...

"And I’m sorry for never saying you're beautiful, everyone knows it and maybe it doesn't even matter if I say it or not because everyone knows it", I rant out in my drunken state, repeating myself often.
Again, in her calculated way she merely laughs at the notion neither confirming or denying her emotions for me. After I let it all spill out, I gather my things, ask if she will be alright, and make my way towards the exit allowing her to think over what I’ve stated.

So there it was, there was a 'full frontal assault', an attack notoriously known for its inability to change anything, though I must say I had to do it. Like a failed general, or a general that had to make a tremendously difficult decision, I spend the next two days recounting to myself, “I did what had to be done, I did what had to be done” in a vain attempt to convince myself that it was not only the right thing to do, but the only thing.

That was Saturday, and here it is Monday with no real results from it. I saw Ashley, though things went by relatively smoothly as though it was awkward for me, it did not seem to be for her. Instead, I spend my days recreating her face and the entire atmosphere as my mind mentally recreates the scene to gather any type of inclination of how she felt, or if I should call her up and recount it all in a more dignified, more sober, tone.

But then the small inconvenient fact of "Boyfriend of four years returning" reminds me of the true impact of the entire frontal assault...

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