Monday, January 30, 2006

Worst Day of my Existence

"Peter Gibbons: So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life.

Dr. Swanson: What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?

Peter Gibbons: Yeah.

Dr. Swanson: Wow, that's messed up."

I must say I never appreciated the beauty of Office Space until very recently where the full implications of that quote began to ring through my head like an overbearing church bell. Everyday is the worst day. Between work, school (which has lost all of its meaning for me now), and a pathetic home life...it all spirals down into a human working in a cubical doing a meaningless job that is completely disconnected from his world.

I must say, I talked with my advisor about getting a full-blown math degree (considering I have an extra semester to waste and in that extra semester I can pick up the classes that would give me the degree) and I received the response that I would originally have to do three-independent studies including: Real Analysis I, Differential Equations, and Math Modeling. I could have honestly cried when she said that, considering I spend the last five years of my life piecing together some shit education only to have her say,

"In order for you to complete this, you must first do three independent studies (learn them on your own) on the highest math courses we offer."

That entire idea just destroyed my day, even though later she came back and said everything would work fine as the classes would be offered. Even though it worked out in the end, that entire idea just had me thinking about how lonely this world is...

I mean, here you go to college on your own accord and initiative only to find that no one really gives a shit what you accomplish, or what you do. I was sitting at lunch today with a few friends and I pulled out my degree audit and I was just completely blown away by it...

Everything I’ve done, my entire existence as far as who I am and what type of value I hold, is merely wrapped up in that document that lists what I’ve done and the grade I’ve received. They asked my why I was so taken back, I wanted to scream out,

"Why? Because these four pages are @$@*ing me! This is me! When people ask, who is [My Name] there won't be some huge response about who I was or what I hoped to accomplish, or what I didn’t accomplish, but rather a four sheet piece of paper that illustrates me in the form of:

FAITH REL & SOCIETY B+ 3.00
CONNECTIONS A 1.00
THINKING/WRITING I A- 3.00
MATH MANAGRL SCIENCE A- 3.00
INTRO TO PHILOSOPHY A 3.00

That is what they will say, that is who I am. God, this shit drives me crazy!

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Those Eyes

I give you an amateur rendition of myself, presented by Adobe Photoshop 6.0. Story of my life… I have so much software and resources, though no clue how to operate it. Going through the menus and filters, I managed to create the image you see before you. Though I am partial towards it, I would say its not bad for a first attempt.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

The Midnight Sun

Human Tragedy.

Meet Norma, from "The Twilight Zone - The Midnight Sun"

Norma is an excellently constructed character that finds herself in the days of the apocalypse awaiting a slow death through heat exhaustion brought on by the reduced distance from the earth to the sun.

The picture captures Norma at her worst, minutes before her demise as she sits on the floor staring towards the ceiling of the room that had once sheltered her, protected her from the world, but now serves as nothing more than an oven that will eventually become her final resting place.

Norma's expression goes so far beyond her current situation into a projection of humanity where the world at large is screaming towards the ceiling in an ever-increasing oven that threatens to bake us all. I love the expression as it signifies how helpless we are in the grand schemes of tragedy that plays out in the form of our lives over and over and over and over...

I imagine she would be crying in that situation, that is if she still had tears left to shed. Not only does the extreme heat of the sun burn off all your precious fluids but it also dries the tears from your eyes so that it not only robs you of your essence, but it robs you of your screams. It robs everything, like a sponge it sits there absorbing everything it can from you, your dreams, your possessions, your tears - like a black hole it absorbs it all and you merely find yourself sitting on the floor staring in hopeless agony towards an unrelenting ceiling.