The Thin Line between Love and Obsession

"On the surface Don Quixote is a complex novel that is written in an ambiguous fashion; a fashion that many readers have found fault with, writing off the book to be a narrative of two idiots roaming the countryside in a completely random fashion, thereby eliminating the possibility of any meaningful whole. Though mostly false, it is quite understandable how many readers arrive at such a notion seeing the structure of the story is riddled with seemingly independent events and occurrences that often leave the reader oblivious to the nature of the book. The exploits of Quixote are impossible to predict, while the frequent deviation of the author into seemingly independent side stories baffle the reader to such an extent that the story becomes merely an account of two wonderers without any greater moral bearing or significance. Whereas the wonderers of Don Quixote spend their days within the secluded countryside of the Sierras..."

Then suddenly, in the midst of it all that thin line between love and obsession seemed to slowly fade off into oblivion as my mind brought back the fateful thought that marked my loneliness, my destitution. Like a ray of light sent directly from the sun itself, her presence made its way within my mind, causing me to abandon all care for the superficial paper that would act as a testament to the mundane tasks that marked my existence. Her face, her beauty, suddenly my mind could focus upon no other as my existence immediately took a backseat to the mere thought of her. Papers, exams, responsibilities - what were responsibilities if they did not involve her? What was anything if it didn’t involve her? What was the purpose of existence if it didn't involve her? Her hair, her eyes, her picturesque skin tone all conspired together to lull me off towards distant fantasies so far removed from the present reality of isolation.

"I love you. I want to love you. I need you." though the words just didn’t seem to capture the moment, they didn’t seem to stress the intense admiration for the object that now occupied my hopeless thoughts. "I want nothing more than your happiness; I want nothing more than to dry your tears of pain and present you with everything that I have" though that too seemed quite superficial as it had been state before, and done a thousand times over through the eons by such desperate men who thought they had as much love and admiration for a woman as I.

While my heart longed for the appropriate words, the beautifully haunting images of her eyes seem to tranquil my worries, ease my sorrows though all that remained of them now where the distant memories of a time long past, a time unbearably long. "The most beautiful of eyes" I would recant in a desperate attempt to conjure up more than a mere mental image of them, "...and her hair, her face, her countenance " I would speak out as if words had the power to create images, to ease the sorrow, or to pass the time.

…AlL This While the Paper Lay UnToucheD.

New Horizon

Temporary Post :)

Technorati Profile

Where do I go from here?

He goes into the apparel store defeated, eyes cast down upon the ground as he makes his way to the sale counter by following the gridlines of the tile. Waiting for the bubbly cashier - that feels the need to make small talk with every customer she checks out - the man stands silently awaiting his turn as the cashier slowly and ever so methodically rings out the five customers ahead of him.

Finally, with a turn of her head and a flutter of her beautiful brunette hair she asks, "May I help you?" with the smile that would ease the most disenfranchised of hearts, though not this one.

The man calmly lifts his downtrodden head and replies, "Yes, do you sell the shirt that reads, ‘I fell in love with a girl and all I got was this lousy 500$ cell phone bill?”

--

Though it hasn't happened, I can foresee the events that will lead to Ashley casually waving goodbye and walking out the door, leaving me with that cold sensation that my mind so ardently avoids at all costs. I must say, with her walking out she not only takes away my hopes but she takes away my emotions as well, taking away all that I care about with each step she makes - dragging with her my will as it silently gets up and leaves me.

What does a man do? I asked Bn today what I do, where do I go from here? I wanted to state that I’m picking up and leaving, that I’m moving on, that my life in [Town] has ended as there is absolutely nothing left for me - I’ve exhausted everything, and like an obedient virus once I consume all there is to consume I get up and move on. I merely want to get in the car and drive east – just as the condemned men do, always to the east. Eventually I will hit the beach, and at that point, I will just sit upon the sand, crack open a beer, and cry the day away while I stare into the overbearing impersonal ocean that is never impacted by the actions or thoughts of man.

That’s what I thought, but what I felt was completely different. Without going too far into it, I must say the idea of not having to face the day was particularly interesting as the idea of her walking out leaves me with a sense of complete abandonment, similar to the scene in which the man stands outside of a house on Christmas Eve looking in at the occupants feasting upon their Christmas dinner while he spends his days with the cold elements of nature – the snow, the dead trees, the decaying leaves are his companions. I must say, I refuse to admit those as my companions, and that is what makes the decision so difficult.

On the one hand is Ashley, on the other is the long winding road of solitude that I am tremendously tired of wondering – so tired that I refuse to go back to such a road – REFUSE.

Thanks for listening…

Ultimate Full Frontal Assualt

In light of the realization that my hopes and dreams with Ashley seem to be slowly sliding farther away from my grasp, I am left with the cold sensation of complete isolation that I have felt for so long. My stomach can testify to that as I have been emotionally sick for the past week – going so far as gagging in the bathroom as my body emotionally vomited. I’ve never seen anything like it, nor have I heard anything of it, but just thinking of her made me heave blindly over the toilet as the realization of her leaving became ever and ever more apparent. Leave it to a woman to take away the cold feeling of loneliness only to hand it back to you again...

In any case, I’ve spent my days watching a classic Volkswagen commercial that embodies the Ultimate Full Frontal Assault, a clip that I now have a further understanding and appreciation for...I must say I’ve watched this clip a thousand times and yet each time its as fresh and as new as if I’ve never seen it before…

I give you, Volkswagen "Big Day"